"Leadership" That Sucks the Life Out Of You
Solid people. Good workers. Caring. Committed. Totally beaten down
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Over the years I have seen this happen way too many times. You have too. It probably happened to you. Solid people. Good workers. Caring. Committed.
Totally beaten down by the people who are supposed to be leading them.
Usually, I see five ways bosses suck the life out of good people:
- No Positive
- No Coaching
- Making It About Themselves
- Leading Through Fear
- Talking About People Instead of to Them
1. No Positive
People do want to learn, and to do that they need to have things pointed out to them.
But when everything that gets pointed out is a negative, you did this wrong, you missed that, this isn't good enough, it gets demoralizing.
They begin to think, Maybe I do suck at this. They become hesitant. They second-guess themselves. They become less willing to make a decision or try something different. And actual performance gets worse. They go from wanting to learn to fearing to try.
There has to be some positive along the way. That doesn't mean trophies for showing up. It means noticing when people do something right, when they improve, when they figure something out.
People need to know they can succeed. Catch them doing something right.
2. No Coaching
You need to get better is a lot different than this is how you get better.
Being told you suck is never fun.
I watched a foreman a few weeks ago berate a new laborer for not knowing what shovel to use. The boss told him to go to the truck and get a shovel. That is exactly what he did. The problem was the employee came back with a flat-head shovel instead of a round-head shovel.
The foreman knew which shovel to get. To him it was obvious. It wasn't obvious to the new guy which makes him an idiot in the eyes of the foreman. Experience makes things obvious to us that aren't obvious to someone who doesn't have our experience. That's where coaching comes in.
Then there is the boss who simply yells. If someone doesn't understand the instructions, the volume quickly goes up. As if speaking louder had a positive impact on comprehension.
We were all knuckleheads once. And we all got help along the way.
3. Making It About Themselves
I know people who get quiet when they receive feedback. They are taking it in. Thinking about it. Processing it. The boss interprets that behavior as a challenge to their authority. Takes it as insubordination and launches into a rage:
“You think you know better [profanity]? You think I don't know [profanity]? I don't need you to do my job [profanity]. I can make this work without you [profanity].”
Think about what just happened. This started with the boss giving feedback to the employee. Nothing wrong with that. But suddenly it became a self-centered monologue about the boss.
The employee gets nothing useful from it. No direction. No coaching. No idea what to do differently next time. Just a greater desire to walk out the door.
4. Leading Through Fear
You mess that up again and I am sending you down the road.
Fear is a terrible motivator in the long run. It creates paranoia, not performance. And the threat doesn't always have to be losing your job. Bosses control assignments. Shifts. Overtime. Crews. Opportunities. Promotions. Who gets sent where.
There are plenty of things to threaten people with. Fear might get compliance today. But over time it causes people to protect themselves, keep their heads down and stop taking chances. It can cause someone who loves what they do to stop loving it.
It sucks the life out of them.
5. Talking About People Instead of to Them
I have seen a boss talk poorly about an employee to a coworker of that employee.
What is being said isn't nearly as important as the fact that it is being said. The coworker learns two things. The boss doesn't address problems directly. And the boss probably talks about me when I'm not around either.
Trust just took a hit with two people instead of one.
What All of This Does to People
This all leads to a downward spiral.
Constant criticism → self-doubt → hesitation → less initiative → worse performance → more criticism.
Eventually, the leader sees the declining performance as proof that they were right about the employee all along. See. I knew this person wasn't any good.
Except their own behavior helped create the decline. What is so sad about this is that employees go from wanting to learn to fearing to try. And let's remember one of my mantras:
The Standard is The Standard.
I never said lower the standard. Nowhere in here did I say give people a free pass. The right shovel is still the right shovel. The job still needs to get done correctly. High standards are not the problem. Not helping people achieve them is.
People need feedback. They need correction. They need accountability. Standards should remain high.
But criticism isn't coaching. Intimidation isn't accountability. And yelling isn't leadership.
Leadership should leave people more capable, more confident and more willing to act. Not beaten down, hesitant and afraid to make a mistake.
Think about the people who have worked for you. Did they become more confident, more capable and more willing to take initiative because you led them? Or did they become more hesitant and careful around you?
